This is for you (plural).

I miss you.

And you.

And you.

I feel like my heart is stretched out everywhere. Like there's hardly enough room for everyone in it. And it aches because I want to be with you all at the same time. I want to hear how your day went and what happened. I want to know the big things in your life, and I would hope that you would tell me... But I also want to know the little things. I miss them. I miss knowing about the funny thing that happened yesterday morning. Or that really awkward meeting on Tuesday. Or when you tripped and fell in front of that group of jr. high skater kids. I want to know when your heart is sad. Or when it's so happy you think it will burst.

I miss you. And I pray for you everyday. I get sad about it sometimes, but I know we are where we are supposed to be. I know it. 

Forgive me for not making the effort I should. For letting the little things that don't matter get in the way. For getting so caught up in my day to day that I don't try t find out about yours. Yes, I know that this is how life goes. People grow and drift all the time. But I miss you. So I'm gonna try. I really am.

It's hard though. But I know you know it's hard too. 

I will always love you wherever you go. True love lasts a lifetime and longer and time and distance doesn't matter. So remember that you are loved on this earth. And missed. Because I miss you. And I wish I could be there now. 

I love you. 

Ode To...

I have loved and I have lost. I have given and I have taken and I have had things taken from me that I didn't want to give. But I'm going to be alright. I'm alive. And I have this amazing life that I never dreamed of. Sure, it has not gone according to ANY plan I ever had in my head... But I've come to find out that it is better than any of the plans that went on in my head. 

I always thought I would have this amazing romance. This thing that came right out of the movies. You know the one, the one where he makes you feel like you were created to just be in that place at that moment with him. And I had it! And now, it's time to move on. I'm not cynical. I'm not swearing off men. I'm just ready. I'm ready to start over. I'm ready to move on with this life that I have no idea about. No plan. Why should I make a plan that never happens? Why does there have to be a plan? 

I just want to live! I want to live and love with all I have. I want to love people! I want to love music! I want to love with every ounce of life that is in me. Yes, I got hurt. And yes, I hurt others. But I made it through. I am alive. And I am ok! Even when I thought I would never be.... I am ok. And I love this life that God has given me.

So who am I to sit around and worry and wish that I had something that is gone... I have all this opportunity. This opportunity to go and create love and music and beauty. To create worship just by living. To create captivating beauty just by living! I don't need someone to tell me I'm beautiful. I know that God created me to complete the beauty of his creation. That is why he created you too. 

I got a fortune cookie from God the other day. It said: Rarely do great beauty and great virtue dwell together as they do in you. If we look for them, we can see these little reminders from God all the time. The reminders that he LOVES us. That he thinks about us. That he created us exactly how he wanted us. 

It doesn't matter if you give your heart away too easily. Or if you are so scared to even be in a man's arms again. Or you think yourself to be crazy if you even think about opening yourself up again. You are beautiful. And you have a life that God has specifically for you. And sometimes it looks like the worst idea in the entire world. When you get out of that pit, out of that big mud pit, you will realize that anything can be better than that. And it is. And it's out there. Your life is not over. My life is not over. Just give it time. 

Live in faith. Live in love. We have life abundantly in front of us. I'm tired of just existing. I want to live.